My own private horse latitudes

I am adrift. Stagnating in my own little version of the horse latitudes. Becalmed and suffering from the worst possible state of ennui.

My muse has not deserted me, I have abandoned her. She continues to feed me wonderful ideas and I sit idly by, sipping at my tea and going … “meh.”

Frankly I’m getting sick and tired of this. I tromp through my studio to the utility room to do laundry and wince as I try to ignore the siren call of my torch. Yesterday I thought perhaps ordering in some new glass, like I really NEED more, would get me off my duff and back at it.

Hubby grows impatient. Well I have a new carrot and a stick to prod me not so gently back at it. We bought a “new” minivan. Now mind you I’ve never owned a new car. EVER. I’m sure I’m not alone, still. We came this close last week. Oh my I’m still dreaming. It’s a pearl blue, fully loaded Chrysler Town & Country. Full leather interior in a pale, soft gray, every gadget known to man or woman save a GPS (well darn!) and oh my just dreamy. Now I realize that isn’t every woman’s dream vehicle but I LOVE my minivan.

Ah I drove off on a tangent. Back to reality. He who has never bought a new car in his life said I could have this one but I had to pay for half of it which meant either getting my butt back behind the torch or seeking employment at, perhaps, Starbucks.

And the thought of HAVING to repay all that money just scared me. So I looked a little more and found a 2008 Chrysler T&C which is bare bones basic but still … it only has 15,000 miles on it and is like show room fresh minus one teensy tinsy miniscule little itty bitty ding on the right front fender and a couple of barely noticeable smudges on the interior. And the price was right … half what the new one cost.

But guilt (and I AM coming to a point here) from not having paid back our savings for the T&C we just traded in finally got to me. I have pledged to pay for this van. Every dime. It took a big bite out of our savings and being retired it’s not going to grow back unless someone (namely me) puts it there.

I have figured out a payment schedule over 5 years which means MINIMAL effort on my part. Frankly I hope to pay it off in a year. Which brings me to my point …

My muse has not been able to tempt me back to work. Boredom has not driven me back to work. But the “new” van? Well now that’s a different story altogether. You see, I’ve “claimed” that pearl blue minivan. I WILL own that very van in 2 years. You wait and see. But first I have to pay off this one. And then save up some money to pay for the next one.

Now THAT’S what I call INCENTIVE.

Darleen Michael-Baker is a glass beadmaker who occasionally blogs and creates out of her home studio in Sheridan, WY.